wanna go halves on a baby?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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