You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize