I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
