the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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