Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize