Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
