Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
