Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
