if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
