so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
