oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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