my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
