Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
