I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We're too hungover to prance.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
