You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
