So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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