Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
