This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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