And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
babies were throwing up all over the place
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
