It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
