the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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