A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
