george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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