Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
third nipple confirmed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
