Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
