The maid of honor just puked.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
