I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize