i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want you more than these girls want KFC
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
