wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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