I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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