gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
