He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
