I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
