He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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