so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to calm my uterus...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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