You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Semen is not good for contacts.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
