hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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