I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
