Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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