you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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