I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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