mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
