im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this will be a night to untag.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
