that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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