What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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