I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize