Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
