I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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