i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how drunk are you?
Several
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
