I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
