So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize