Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
