i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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