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she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
