My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
