She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
