what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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