Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
