Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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