Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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