I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
