This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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