Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
