I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
