No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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