I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
