im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
