Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
