I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
