marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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