Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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