According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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