It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
