Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
