You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
