i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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