Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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