Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
