Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
