If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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