Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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