i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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