Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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