I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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