i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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