I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
