Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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