You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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