i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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