I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
17 year olds will be the death of me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
