420 ftw
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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