was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
