I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
