My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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