he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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