after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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