Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
