are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
