If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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