If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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